Friday, 1 August 2014

one year later


Today is the one year anniversary since my Dad passed away. It still doesn’t seem real. Although I don’t catch myself dialing his cell phone number when I have good or bad news to share anymore. I still think “oh I gotta tell Dad” when important things happen and then have to remind myself he isn’t here anymore. As I have said before I don’t really let myself think about him being dead too much, it simply just hurts too much. It is one of the big reasons I have a hard time visiting his grave. I know what is going on a few feet below the surface and I just cannot deal with that.

At times, especially today I want to scream from the roof tops…I’M HEARTBROKEN, but it feels like when you lose someone so close to you, you have to be the strong one. It’s as though other people are allowed to grieve and cry, but if you do then it’s the ole… you got to get over it, it has been a year, things get better. Life never gets better, but it does move on. One day the hurt won’t be all-consuming, but it will never go away. Our lives will never be complete without him, but they will go on. To honour his memory we just have to live our lives to the fullest and enjoy life in only the way that he could.

5 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. No one can understand how much of a loss it is without having been there as well, and even then only a hint. My dad has been gone for 29 years and the pain is not consuming like it was but the loss is real and does not ever go away. How can it. Enjoy the memories and share them with those who loved him as well.

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  2. There is no set way for us to grieve. Each person must take that journey in his own way. I hope that you can get some peace in knowing that your Dad isn't under the ground but up in heaven preparing for the day that you will see him again............

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  3. Sending you a hug! Grieving is so very personal and you'll get through it in your own way. I'm glad to see you write that you know he'd want you to live a full happy life! As a parent, I know that must be true.

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  4. Grief is a journey. It takes how long it takes. Hang in there. Hugs to you.

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  5. Hugs. The first anniversary sucks. On the plus side, you've had all the "firsts" now, so each significant day will slowly get easier.
    I've unfortunately had too much experience with loss and grief. I've found it's like waves. At the beginning, the waves are so close together that it's basically constant. Eventually the waves start to widen so the peaks get a little further apart. The waves continue to widen but never go away. Even now, 9 years after one significant loss I can be taken by surprise when a wave suddenly hits. So basically, you'll never "get over it". You're not supposed to. But you will come to accept it and eventually reach a place where the memories don't hurt and you stop playing the what if game and you can think with a smile that they would have loved X or been thrilled to see you doing Y. In the mean time, cut yourself some slack, you're doing fine

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